I was enchanted to meet you.

I'm so thrilled today! I feel so childish, and giggly and happy! Last night I met a guy, who is just beyond gorgeous, like flawless. Anyways we hit it off and my friend says hes looking for a 'lover'! We are talking now and Im so excited! Apparently he is looking for pretty much the same thing as me, someone to have sex with and hang out with, but nothing official. Im so freaking happy right now asdjkfla;skjfas;lkdfj; Yay for crushes!

What "grinds my gears"

One thing that really just pisses me off is when someone makes plans with me and then doesnt talk to me at all that day. Even if you didn't see me you could at least send me a text that says "hey I can't come over" or something like that. But having me sit around waiting all day for a response is so fucking annoying. ASDFHJKL; Im so pissed off

Hmmm Im laying outside tanning, soaking up all the sun so I can 'tan'. In reality Im burning and getting more freckles...which I hate. Im hoping to get at least a little color but that probably wont happen. Naturally the guy that I really wanted to hang out with today isnt responding to any of my texts which would be fine ifhe hadnt said yesterday he would come over... gosh, this reminds me of when I was dating terry and Id wait for a text back all day long. Youd think the guy that you were dating would at least tell you if he was coming over but not him.. Id literally sit all day waiting for him. THat is litterally all I do in life is wait for things to happen.. I feel like if Im proactive my plans will all go in the shitter... oh well just thought Id check in

Let's be honest, no ones reading this shit.

Ughhhhhhhhhh I cant sleep! I have no idea why but my mind id so restless tonight! But not worries listening to michael buble make me not want to kill things! But Im starting to feel a headache coming on which is beyond fantastic. Oh, good news! Tomorrow I might possibly have a chance with this guy Ive been pursuing for some time hahaha. Im all excited about it but to be honest he probably isn't thrilled...wahh.. Seriously though I've liked this guy for the longest fucking time haha and I am not even noticable to him! Its incredible haha but I might have a chance tomorrow... but knowing him it probably wont happen weooo... ANYWAYS... its almost 4 in the morning and I dont feel tired at all... this is incredibly frustrating considering Im starting school in 2 days.... well heres a survey..


He is helping me through the night ^_^

• You'll bullshit in this quiz, won't you?
• probable
•  
• Is the person you last texted single?
• nopeee
•  
• What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
• hmmmm reeses
•  
• Do you pay with cash, credit/debit, or checks most often?
• debit
•  
• Have you ever slept on a couch?
• yeah.
•  
• Why is your relationship status the way it is?
• because I suck at life.
•  
• We all change right?
• suree.
•  
• Do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship?
• all the fucking time.
•  
• When is the next time you will see your ex?
• like tuesday.... Im not thrilled.
•  
• Have you ever kissed under water?
• yeah it was disgusting.
•  
• Popsicles or Ice Cream?
• Ice cream.
•  
• When was the last time that you were truly happy?
• a little while ago.
•  
• Are you one of those people who just don't care?
• atm yeah.
•  
• Are you legal to drink?
• BARELY LEGAL BABES ;D
• jk Im not even close
•  
• Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
• sunny.
•  
• If you were so drunk you couldn't even stand, would the last person you kissed take care of you?
• on the lips? YESSSS
• not on the lips? ehhhhhhhh maybe.
•  
• What were you doing this morning at seven AM?
• sleeping.
•  
• Do you wish a past relationship could have lasted longer?
• hell no.
•  
• In the next year and a half, will you have a new roommate?
• maybee
•  
• Lil Wayne or Drake?
• neither.
•  
• Does anyone hate you? 
• yes.
•  
• Have you ever taken French?
• oui.
•  
• How many candles will you blow out on your next birthday?
• I eat candles.
•  
• Would you rather go to Italy, France, or Ireland?
• italy
•  
• Who does everyone tell you you look like?
• road kill.
•  
• Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
• I know so.
•  
• Want someone back in your life?
• no.
•  
• What's bothering you right now?
• the fact that attractive guys are attracted to me.
•  
• Five months ago, can you remember who you liked?
• yeah.
•  
• If you were in the hospital would the last person you kissed come to visit you?
• uhhh maybe if I asked him.
• but lets be honest nobody would come! :D
•  
• Ever kiss the last male you messaged?
• GREGGGGG no haha maybe in his sleep.
•  
• Missing someone right now?
• ehhhh no.
•  
• Anyone told you a secret this week?
• yes.
•  
• If someone looked on your bed, what would they find?
• a bunch of fetus'
•  
• Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
• BOTH.
•  
• Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
• alison 
•  
• What was the last drink you had?
• waterr.
•  
• Can you call your ex on the phone with out it being awkward?
• uhhhh, I could try hahahaha
•  
• Did you speak to your mother today?
• i did.
•  
• Have you ever kissed anyone named Ryan?
• no.
•  
• Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?
• left then smush it to the right.
•  
• When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower?
• yes but not when i poop.
•  
• When you see movies at home do you like the lights on or off?
• off.
•  
• What do you usually do when you have a 'bad hair day'?
• put a bag over my head.... so like everyday.
•  
• Did you play with shaving cream when you were a kid?
• i still do.
•  
• Do you like the smell of axe?
• blaagghhhhh no.
•  
• Have you ever had to let someone you really care about go?
• no they just left.
• but I will soon.
•  
• Has anyone ever told you they love you?
• yeaaaaaaah.
•  
• Did you sleep in past noon today?
• yes.
•  
• Does it take a lot to make you cry?
• a few shots.
•  
• Were you happy when you woke up today?
• yes.
•  
• What does your hair look like right now?
• in curlers... sexy.
•  
• Do you like your bed?
• yes
•  
• Are you one of those people who constantly check the time?
• yeah.
•  
• Do you drink enough water?
• yeah.
•  
• Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
• not really.

I can't shake all these shitty feelings. I know school is starting soon and Im a  little stressed for that but lately everything has been getting to me. I cant stop listening to taylor swift and eating ice cream -_- I think I realized that Im incredibly old and Im going to miss so much of this... the other night I told mom how much I loved her because I know she is not going to be around forever unfortunately. Its weird to me how many people I just overlook when I should be cherishing everything. But even now as I say that Im still ignoring some of the people who love me for the people who don't. Right now I have another tab open with AIM hoping my ex boyfriend will sign on and confess his love to me. I also just texted a guy who I have liked sense pre k and asked him to hang out.. and believe me he does not seem interested.

Its funny how some guys can be so interested in me and be sooooo nice to me but I would still ditch them for a guy that is a complete asshole. Its incredible. I think its because I dont want to be responsible in a relationship and actually have a guy that cares and then Ill mess it up. If I go after a douche bag I dont have to worry about it not working out because I KNOW it wont and I wont be so heart broken. After fucking everything up with Terry I dont want to risk it again.. hense why Im going after a guy who I know is a douche bag.... hes hot though...

ANYWAYS... thats my obnoxious vent for the day..

Please don't have somebody waiting on you.

Ehh Today I could be soooo much happier :/ I dont know why but I feel so shitty. Its one of those days that I miss Terry a lot. I really hurts that he doesnt miss me at all. And if he did hes not willing to fight for me. Its so unfortunate because I dont ask much from a boyfriend. But I wasnt good enough for him. Part of me is still hoping that school will come around and he will see how much weight Ive lost and he might realize he misses me.. unfortunately its way to late for another chance anyways.. I do miss him a lot but what the hell would we even have to talk about anymore. Im happy for his girl friend because to her its a romantic fairy tale about to friends finally getting to be together!  And Im the bitch girlfriend she had to push out of the way but when stories like that happen nobody ever thinks about the previous girlfriend/boyfriend that is now heart broken. Both of them are finally happy together but what the hell. Idk its one of those days....

• This is seriously going to get personal, you ready? yeahh

• If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? obviously, but I wouldnt do it in the first place.
• The last time you felt honestly broken? today.
• Are you craving something?waterr
• If you could have one thing right now what would it be? A good night kiss.
• Would you rather have ten kids, or none? ten
• What do you hear right now? taylor swift.
• Is your bed against more than one of your walls?nope
• What’s on your mind right now? This stupid guy that I like :/
• Are you there for your friends? Everyday.
• Last person to see you cry? seth
• What do you do when you get nervous? fidget.
• Be honest, do you like people in general? I hate people.
• How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? 23.
• Does anyone completely understand you? not really.
• Do you have a reason to smile right now? yeah, but Im not in the mood :/
• Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? yeah but they did and they were perfectly fucking fine.
• Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? yeahh. But it would need a play button too.
• Do you tell your mum or dad everything? my mom.
• Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? not really.
• Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone? Pretty hurt now but Im sure they could make it worse.
• This time last year, can you remember who you liked? terry.
• Do you think more about the past, present, or future? I dwell on the past a lot, but I think its pretty even
• How many hours of sleep do you get a night? a lot
• Are you easy to get along with? yeah I hate conflict.
• Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? why would I have a conversation with her if I hated her?
• What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? water.
• What size bed do you have? queen
• Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before.
• Do you like the rain? mehh
• Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? yeahh
• Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? all the time.
• Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither? neither.
• Who were you last in the car with, besides family? alison
• What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who? I dont remember.
• Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend? No
• Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Terryterryterryterry
• Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party? ahhh about that...
• Do you regret a past relationship? yupppp
• Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party? why not both.
• Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? Nope.
• Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry? yeahh.
• Do you care too much about your appearance? I wouldnt say too much.
• Are you a jealous person? Yeah but theres a fucking reason for it.
• Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? EARRINGS OMGG
• Do you miss anyone? Terrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy like fuck. But I think its just the past few days :(
• Last person who made you cry? no one really made me cry...
• Does your ex piss you off? disappoints me..
• What are you doing tomorrow? Im not sure yett.
• Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week? thats called a slut.
• Is there anyone you want to come see you? mehhhh yess
• Have you ever been cheated on? YUP.
• Ever given your all to someone who walked away? Terry... can you see why Im pissed about this.
• Do you like cotton candy? who the fuck doesnt.
• Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? alison.
• Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17? you can plan being knocked up.
• Do you have siblings? yeah.
• Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? yeah.
• How has the past week been for you? shitty.
• Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? always.
• What’s on your mind right now? this guy that me gusta...

Im to fly to be depressed. ;)

So Before I begin this survey I just want to explain why Im even blogging. Honestly Im sure people on facebook are sick of all my complaining and surveys because they are to interesting. But I still want to do them! Soooooo chances are you are here because of facebook but hopefully not. I want to share my feelings and thoughts with others which might sound incredibly faggish but hey, I do what I want. Now if I feel like bitching to everyone on the internet no one can yell at me because bitchh you dont have to read this. For the people that dont know me Im a junior in high school, Im pretty lame. Id say Im slightly attractive but still not a 'cool kid'. Dont get me wrong Im not a looser though. I loved a guy named Terry (which is a female name) for over a year and he left me for a friend of mine. And now they are happily in a relationship together and I can NOT bitch about it enough. Ive been with a few other guy but obviously not the same at all and Im still missing having a nice boyfriend to cuddle with at the end of the day. I know I should get over it but seriously I think its only natural to be pissed about it. Uhh I dont know what else to say except I'm pretty lame, I just started 'getting out' this year.. and i feel incredibly badass. And now we begin.

•  the last person you kissed screams they love you, your reply? uhhh, take me out to dinner?
•  Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner, what do you do? Its gonna be happening in like a week... I might cut her.
•  Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? nope. 
•  Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? ahhh there was no 'first kiss'
•  Are you good at giving directions? Not even close. 
•  Did you cry from a text last night? nope. 
•  Have you ever had to choose between two people? not really. 
•  Do you honestly have any regrets? honestly yeah, but the mistakes made me who I am now! 
•  What was the last song you listened to? Freaky thangs.
•  Who is someone you'll always hate? I dont really hate anyone.
•  Do any of your friends dislike each other? not really.. they just choose not to hangout together.
•   Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? all the time! 
•  Is your last ex currently in a relationship? yupppppp.
•  Is there anything in your room that reminds you of the past memories? Everything in my room does!
•  Are you on good or bad terms with your ex? Im not on any terms with him. 
•  How late did you stay up last night? idk probably midnight. 
•  Do you want to be single? Not right now :/ But I most certainly dont want anything serious . 
• Do you currently have feelings for anybody? ehhhh yeah kind of... TO BAD HE DOESNT KNOW I EXIST.
•  What would you do if you saw the one you like kissing someone else? been there... I cried and slapped him in the face! intoxication does a lot with your emotions. Sober I wouldnt care though...
•  Have you been kissed by someone who's name starts with a M? yea. 
•  Who was the last person you talked to? Melissa!!
•  Is there a member of the opposite sex that makes you cry a lot? not anymore!!
•  Have you ever slept with contacts in? I dont wear those. 
•  What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss? Wasnt wearing one HOLLAHH.
•  Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? Already did!
•  Do you think before you speak? not really. 
•  Last person you went to the mall with? Alison!!. 
•  Is there anyone who will always have a place in your heart? terry and my mom.
•  How many kids do you want? 2!
•  What are you doing at the moment? Nothing obviously.
•  Was 2009 a good year? I enjoyed it I think. 
•  What are you really waiting for? This certain person to think Im attractive! wont ever happen....
•  Will you be dating someone in six months? Hopefully.
•  Who is the last person you physically hit? Hahaha calebbb.
•  Do you get distracted easily? yupp
•  Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? who the hell hasnt..
•  Have a best friend? Alison cassie melissa.
•  Was your first kiss perfect? at the time.
•  Has anyone got on your nerves today? hahaha nooo 
•  How old is the oldest person you've kissed? 18?.
•  When was the last time you drank a full bottle of water? today and now I have to pee. 
•  Do you ever eat really late at night? yeahhh 
•  In your honest opinion, do you think heartbreak is real? yeahhh that shit sucks.
•  Is there a sound that sends chills up your spine every time you hear it? ewww scratching leather.
•  Would you like to go swimming right now? its pretty late for that. 
•  Do you usually make back up plans? ummm no 
•  Have you ever had a sleepover with the last person you kissed? you could call it that. 
•  Do you over-think situations? yessssssss
•  Have you ever dated someone in secret? PAULPAULPAULPAUL.
•  Have you ever been threatened online? yeahhh. 
•  Would you date someone in a different state? or in canada? LOLZ 
•  Have you thought about sex recently? Im incredibly sex deprived sooo yeah..
•  Have you ever been screwed over relationship-wise? uhhh all the time.
•  When you have a crush, do you flirt or are you too shy and avoid them? Flirt? or try 
•  How is your neck feeling today? fine...
•  Have you ever met someone who was a Satanist? Did they scare you? yeahh and not really